I don’t think i’m a good artist.

Ok… its a lie. is there any such thing as a good artist? maybe. i think judging harshly on our work or how we work is part of the call for artist. we compare ourselves to others so easily, so quickly! But heres my thoughts anyway.

Im not great at sketch booking. i love it when i draw in there dont get me wrong but finding the energy and time to actually draw is…. exhausting sometimes. i always see ‘take 5 minutes to draw a day!’ well i would if i had any idea WHAT to draw in the first place. I see so many beautiful sketchbooks, reportage, dedicated sketchbooks for different things, do people actually keep to them or is it all false? like is one page perfect and the other side is a badly drawn horse? maybe. i keep saying im working on my sketchbook more and its true i HAVE started to use it more.. but not to an extent where my skill is going to grow. maybe a snails pace but thats kind of sad.

process. process of drawing. what does that even mean? im the type of perosn who thinks of one idea and draws it and there it is. terrible habit and not anyway helping stretch the idea out but thats just how my mind works. ive been trying to… fix it somehow by forcing myself to draw other things or the same idea but slightly different and i guess thats the process right? again i go back to other artists portflios or youtube videos and stare at mine then theirs then mine again going well where has this gone wrong cause clearly something did!

this feels like a mess of a blog post but i think we’ve all gathered this isnt going to be coherent. this may seem like a self deprecating blog but it isnt trust me! i just like a good whine.

what else makes me a not very good bad kind of artists? i leave my brushes in my water. i rarely clean my paint palettes cause that means going down stairs which means forgetting a bajillion things. i have about… 10? unfinished sketchbooks that i claim is for this this and that but really its because i just wanted a new one. I keep meaning to expand my reading on the arts, be more spiritual and connect with art more, but. who actually has the time? i guess i do have the time. but it feels like i dont.

i have the artist way and have for… two months nearly and i havent even began to start it. i feel like i need to mark a month on my calendar that just says ONLY READING AND PRACTICING THIS BOOK. though i guess that isnt the point of the book but maybe thats the only way ill get through it in one piece. i feel like there was this massive surge to talk on this book and now its a pressure to do everything within it and expand from that to other books to help your practice. a great idea… i need to be kicked into doing these things.

I hate anatomy. I know its important but its more fun to guess where the arm points than to study and have the drawing come out nothing like i want it to. does that happen to you aswell? trying to draw something without a reference getting frustrated that it doent look right and then using said reference and it turning out a completely different style to what you do normally so you have to start all over again? say that without breathing because thats how i wrote it. again leading back to sketchbooks, this would be a great area to practice. but in my silly mind that feels wasteful. BAD ARTIST DING NOISE. how can something that will grow my skill be wasteful?

i feel this blog doesnt make sense but its 4:30am and im rambling every thought off my head.

i know im not a BAD artists, probably not the best one out there, but i do try to be. maybe if i take vitamins itll help somehow. placebos. i do miss the sun i somehow worked better with light that isnt paynes grey.

To end this off, i think every artist thinks this and if you dont. well i dont even know you so thats fine. as long as i draw something that i love who really cares if it doesnt have 50 versions behind it? me but we ignore that. Did this make sense? probaly not but ill add cute photos throughout anyway. Bye :p